Random Februrary Freak Out (or is it?)

There is something about this time of year that causes certain areas of my brain to implode and makes everything seem 5 billion times more overwhelming than it is. There is just too much to do and my learning curve is getting worse and worse the older I get.

There's income tax filing, FAFSA filing, deadlines, budgets, book releases, graduation, marketing, taxes (right. I already mentioned those. Still haven't done 'em.), reading these stacks of books for review, meal planning, grocery shopping, taxes . . . (yeah, those are still there), cold weather, really cold weather, (btw: who ordered this cold weather, making everyone stay in this house so much when I need to be working, or, at the very least, prepping my taxes?) --what can I say? numbers freak me the crap out.--, and a host of things I need to learn to be a successful independent author; things that I just can't seem to make time to learn because . . . it's cold, it's February, I'm trying to finish the most stubborn and convoluted book I've ever written, and I'm utterly overwhelmed.

My procrastination habits and excuses ("But I must finish the book! I can't attend to that other stuff right now!") are only adding to the crazy. I'm practically inhaling chocolate these days, and my increased caffeine consumption (via both coffee and Dr. Pepper) is not helping to ease me through the final stages of writing this book during February's annual freak out, instead, it's providing:

• Nightly anxiety attacks.
• Lack of sleep due to anxiety (and caffeine perhaps?)
• Feelings of being overwhelmed and mildly freaked out. 
• Nibbling habits that prove I would make an excellent chain smoker, were I open to adding cancer sticks to my collection of bad habits (thankfully, I'm not quite there. Yet.)

But am I doing anything proactive to counteract it?

Err... nope. I have to finish the book, remember??? THERE'S NO TIME (okay, there is probably time. But there's a pronounced lack of motivation.)

*bangs procrastinating head on desk and avoids doing tax prep for another day*

I'm "attending" a webinar this afternoon concerning one of many items I have put off learning about due to its residency on my I-CANNOT-LEARN-ONE-MORE-THING-CUZ-MY-BRAIN-REACHED-CAPACITY-PRIOR-TO-TURNING-FORTY list of things that so overwhelm me about this business. Honestly, just the thought of facing all I do not know about this subject (and so many other subjects!) makes me want to grab my hair at the roots and curl into the fetal position until Spring--assuming I can finish this convoluted book in the fetal position, you understand. For the book must be finished.

Is it cabin fever . . . or the natural result of avoidance? Is it a sign that complete insanity is only a snowball's throw away? I hope not (although my children might argue that the proverbial crazy stone hit its mark a while ago.) 

What overwhelms you to the point of succumbing to a random (or increasingly regular) freak outs?

Points to Ponder Concerning the 50 Shades Buzz

Even before I became a reviewer of books and films, I operated under a general, albeit unofficial policy that I would refuse the temptation to condemn a book I had not read (or a film I had not seen) based on what I had heard about it from the media or others*. As you read, please remember that. 
*Sadly, the term 'others', as referred to above, most often means Christians, the church, and those who have been placed--or have placed themselves--in the spotlight as a mouthpiece for the Christian community as a whole--but that is a topic for another day.

I have not, nor do I plan to read the Fifty Shades of Grey book series; neither do I intend to see the film. Therefore, I will not comment directly about either, because I do not consider myself qualified to do so. 

However, as a media professional, I do feel qualified to comment on the buzz surrounding these books and the film based upon them.

Before I began working in the romance fiction industry, I was not even aware the BDSM subgenre of romance fiction existed. It wasn't until I came across the term "BDSM" as central to a book review that I Googled the definition and . . . my jaw dropped. "Okee-dokey, then," I thought, shocked. "So... that's a thing. A real thing? And there are people really into it? Empowered by it? Turned on by it? Living it?" 

Yep. 
Well, color me innocent. And surprised. And . . . sad.

Although Fifty Shades of Grey might be the bestselling book of this subgenre, it is far from alone. Still, those who criticize the series based on perceived content seem to believe it shockingly unique. It is not. (I say 'perceived' because, let's face it: most of this book's negative critics have NOT read it.) Author E.L. James is hardly a trail-blazer. BDSM fiction existed well before Fifty Shades of Grey and more titles are releasing every day. For every person who purchases one of James's Grey books electronically, a slew of like titles by other authors will be set before their eyes, tempting them to purchase . . .

. . . while critics snarl and hiss and judge, using only that one as reference.

It makes me wonder . . . do they not know there is a whole world of that stuff out there? 

Why I don't read Erotica or BDSM books
I accepted Christ when I was eleven years old, but there were times in my younger adult years when I was not bothered by graphic sex scenes in novels. Several years ago, however, I decided those scenes were not something I needed in my life and I made a faith-based choice to skip through the pages of those I came across accidentally in my reading; moreover, I now choose to avoid reading books I know will lead toward graphic sex scenes. 

My definition of 'graphic' may not be the same as yours. And my idea of what constitutes a 'graphic sex scene' does not necessarily place a book in the category of 'Erotica' in the official categories of Romance Fiction, as I have come to discover. BDSM fiction is, technically, a subgenre of the subgenre of Erotica, which falls under the larger genre umbrella of Romance Fiction. Erotica, by definition, is literature or entertainment created with the intent of inducing sexual arousal. Since I do not read for that reason (I am quite happy to leave the inducement of that state to my husband, thank you very much), I do not read erotica. 

I consider erotic content in fiction (that written with the intent of inducing sexual arousal) akin to that destructive beast, Pornography--a thing that worms its way into an imagination only to become an obsessive habit, intent upon soiling the sexual expression of or appreciation for true, relational love. Therefore, I find the concept of BDSM behavior, whether in fictional form or as a lifestyle choice, a grievously sad comment on the status of modern romantic expression and psychological health. 

How our hearts ache when we learn someone we love is a 'cutter', someone who purposefully damages herself (or himself), using self-mutilation as a means of coping with stress or depression, or as a way to deal with past abuse or other psychological trauma. When an individual seeks a form of violence to give himself or herself a sense of control, it evidences deeply unmet spiritual, emotional, and psychological needs--and perhaps reveals that this person has suffered other forms of past abuse, which still inform his or her self-image. To me, BDSM, by definition, regardless of which combination of words used to form that acronym, is cutting's more glamorous cousin. 

We were not created to derive pleasure from the receiving or administration of pain--not even second hand through the fictional depiction of those sorts of sexual/physical encounters. We were created to form meaningful relationships, to emulate hope and love that, when met in marriage, can express itself beautifully through the safe, secure, and fearless joining of our bodies as one.  It breaks my heart that there are people so broken, so damaged, that they would be willing to be hurt--or to inflict hurt upon someone else--to escape numbness, to feel worthy, loved, or even alive. The concept of BDSM directly conflicts with my definition of what healthy, fearless, safe, loving, and partner-honoring sexuality is. That is why I do not read BDSM books.

And yet...
That being said, the growing popularity of this subgenre should serve as a wake-up call for mental health professionals and spiritual leaders; a call to provide a safe environment, free of judgment, where those who have fallen victim to the BDSM lure--either by choice or as a result of ongoing abuse--can find hope and healing (even if the only lure to which they have succumbed is that taking up space in their mind.) It should also encourage us to be honest with our teens and young adults who have access to these forms of entertainment. 

How we are entertained can color our perception of true expressions of love and desire (vs. what is abuse) in future relationships. Imagine, if you will, a generation of boys and girls who go into adulthood and marriage believing that instigating or submitting to psychological and sexual abuse is just another night in the bedroom. 

A Warning Concering the Negative Impact of Anti-50 Shades Proselytizing
What are the implications of BDSM entertainment's popularity... if handled with only judgment and censure by its opposition? The obvious answer is: curiosity and rebellion. Think on that.

If the prevalent opposing message the public receives is, "It's bad! And if you like it, so are you, Perv!" all we do is promote shame at the expense of truth, inflicting new wounds upon the likely already-existing ones a more compassionate approach might soothe.

Heaping shame on those who have read books glamorizing BDSM--and/or those who will watch movies based upon them--is not speaking the truth in love. (see Ephesians 4:14-16)


Positive Things About the 50 Shades Buzz 

• Even though the Fifty Shades of Grey promotional blitz is slapping you upside the face every time you turn on your TV, not all the buzz is pro-Fifty Shades or pro-BDSM. (Obviously.) Perhaps you've seen #50ShadesIsAbuse on Twitter or other social media networks. Have you noticed the diverse mix of people tweeting, blogging, and otherwise posting that hashtag? I have seen it quite a bit this week, as well as many other hashtags promoting a similar message. Because I have not read the books to justify that comment as fact, I have not personally participated in the movement--to do so would violate my personal policy (see the first paragraph); but that such a hashtag exists and is being promoted by people of such historically ideologically diverse platforms, leads me to my next point:

• For the first time in my recollection--perhaps in the history of the WORLD--many feminists and Christians are on the same page: BDSM entertainment glorifies abuse. (The message might be portrayed a little differently depending on who is touting it, but at its heart, it is the same.) Although the general focus of social media hashtags and whatnot is on this one book/movie, it cannot be denied that these two, oft-head-butting factions are, in fact, mingling toward the same cause. (Those of us who consider ourselves 'Christian Feminists' are nodding our heads, thinking 'finally!') 

• But that brings up another point to ponder: women are not the only victims of BDSM-driven abuse. Whether by choice or not, men, too, suffer physical, sexual, and psychological abuse when the person with whom they are involved derives pleasure from the giving or receiving of pain. 

• We have been given an opportunity and a stage on which we can speak the truth in love, encourage intelligent discussion, and raise awareness of how to help people trapped in an abusive relationship, lifestyle, or pattern of thinking.

• Kindness, compassion, and love--real, Christ-like love--are the only proactive expressions that will ultimately succeed in helping people overcome an obsession with or addiction to destructive behaviors.

• Regardless of the labels some loud naysayers may wish to assign, the fact that someone has read erotica or plans to see the Fifty Shades of Grey movie does not make them a pervert; it only proves them to be a consumer of pop culture.

If you are surprised I would write something like this, well... so am I. At least a little bit. I generally prefer to tell stories, to avoid controversy, and to hang out in my writing cave, playing with my imaginary friends. But because I have been personally victimized in the past by people within the church who have judged me and my faith by the sorts of books I read and promote (again, another post for another day), books they would never even CONSIDER reading because another Christian (who also likely did not read them) pronounced them 'evil' -- I felt called to share my heart on this subject. 

I leave you with this advice... a tiny, and yet rather immense gem of wisdom I came across this past week in, of all things, a romance novel:

"Love well."
(from To Catch a Prince by Rachel Hauck -- available February 24, 2015)